Women are way more likely than men to be interested in someone for reasons other than physical appearance. Just look at all the beautiful straight and bisexual women out there dating men that look like a deep fried sewer rat.

The biggest challenge is to actually find a woman who's interested and single. I'm no beauty myself but somehow I managed it.

Can I ask how much you’re still judging yourself on male-established beauty standards? “Lithe” and “dainty” aren’t words I’d ever use in looking for a female partner I would be attracted to :)

The only woman I’ve ever slept with (so far) was 6’0 and a gorgeous Amazon. Definitely not dainty.

It's really more about your self esteem than what you actually look like. If you feel unattractive you kind of put that out. I've seen women of all different shapes, sizes and physical features with girlfriends. I have also been considerably overweight at times in my life and had women attracted to me. To be sure, there were women who weren't, and were even rude enough to tell me this, (and one of them, I wasn't asking them out or trying to establish a romantic connection, and the other, after sex, was like "Have you ever considered trying to lose weight?" and I never called her back)

Of course, learning to have more self esteem and self confidence is not all that easy and something I've spent a lot of time working on.

It may be easier to try to find women with common interests and just make friends, and meet people they know. I know it's a lot more difficult in today's male filled "lesbian communities"

I think this is a leftover from dating men.

Women are a lot more whole person in whom they date

Dont feel unattractive about your size tall girls are amaaaaazing. My first serious gf was 6'0 and she was really self conscious about it too and cried often about it. I loved it though it was one of the coolest things about her. Also like when youre short...youre short to everyone, hun so its not as off putting as you think. Us ants dont notice that much of a difference between 5'7 and 6+ feet. youre all just kinda up there lol

Now if you're sad because you want your partner to be taller than you i have no help there. But i promise its not a deal breaker in the slightest I'd love to be tall myself

I don’t think women loving women are as shallow as your self esteem is allowing you to think. I suggest working on loving yourself before looking for love :)

Girl, I'm like 5'11. So what? Height is not unattractive. Most models are tall women. You can reach shelves that shorter people can't. (Which can get a bit annoying, because everyone expects you to do that for them. But I digress.) There's loads of benefits to being tall. You can use it to your advantage.

Totally relatable, I don't feel "good enough" for women. I've always had low self-esteem and men's standards being so much lower has made them feel safer to show interest in.

I consider myself a butch febfem, I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a relationship either, I wouldn't mind to be in one, but I'm just very socially awkward and don't know how to start conversations with others easily. Being social does not come naturally to me. Im an easy going, just your average joe kind of woman. I don't feel I have low self esteem, I kind of love who I am, but at the same time, I feel that I'm not the kind of person who women would be attracted to or want to be with. I'm literally a boring homebody lol.

I very much can empathize. Self-esteem is a pain to work with, so all I can offer is a virtual hug.

Speaking purely on a “shallow” level, you are 100% someone’s type. I’m not just saying this, everyone has different tastes.

I’m not conventionally good looking at all, but I’ve still been lucky enough to meet amazing women who are attracted to me. My insecurities used to get in the way, but now I think, who am I to disbelieve them or question their tastes.

They way you’ve described yourself is not just neutral but actively attractive to many same sex attracted women. You sound so much like my girlfriend!!

Really want to point out that not only do lesbians (and bi women who have extensive experience dating women) have different standards regarding appearance, but operate socially in some ways that are different too. I mean, sometimes in younger crowds, below 25, you will find women who are really heavily female socialized, and who uphold beauty standards and will cut other women down for being too much, or are neurotic about keeping up social appearances. But this honestly levels off a lot after this, and by and large, most mentally healthy women who partner with women regularly, are kind of outside the system if you will. We are not judging women on the same basis, holistically, not just for romance or sex, on the same basis women judge each other in high school or office parties or your aunt might at Christmas dinner.

I find, for a lot of women, and its sad to see some of the bi women here stuck in this mentality, they are afraid they will be functionally dating the straight women they know, with all the stuff straight women say about each other and themselves. Not that the rest of us arent exempt from it, or cant be cruel about bodies and behavior and propriety, but functionally a lot of lesbians in particular just dont participate in this way of thinking or discussing women. Either because they deliberately dont, or they aren't included in or self exclude from female social groups where this is common behavior, or it stops being relevant especially once you have a LGB social circle or structure your life so you can ignore it.

I will echo that tall and slightly overweight is not just feasibly attractive, but actively in demand as a body type, they have found empirically lesbians tend to have a higher BMI at which they find women attractive, and except for the most obese women, I have not really seen women get significantly penalized for being chubby or fat in dating other women. Its more likely that women will find features such as yours interesting or fascinating, my wife, for example, has a large "ethnic" nose that is commonly erased through plastic surgery in women, I absolutely unironically adore it and find it compelling. IDK, in my experience women both find having the extreme hots for someone less important over time, as well as are likely to genuinely enjoy, be fond of, and be sexually attracted to women with a more variety of features.

TBH you should find some excuses to be in spaces with lesbian and bi women in person, even if some of the queer shit is present, you dont have to date or be super active. Its important to see this normalized and in action in the real world, and honestly, to see what les/bi conflict and drama ACTUALLY looks like, lol. It doesnt look like heterosexual dating drama or particularly like drama between hetero women, although there is some commonality between all womens behavior lol

5'9" is not that tall. I am 5'8" but wore platforms to be taller. I love being talk and find other tall women very attractive. kd lang is 5'9"; Ashley Graham is 5'10" and incredibly curvy and she's a model! It sounds like you got it going on! Just own it! ;)

Warning: I'm not being any meaner to you than you are already being to yourself.

If someone's a self absorbed sadsack complaining about how unattractive they are (aka incel), yeah I can see the problem.

Remember this: If ugly people can't get laid, well, your parents managed to find each other and made you.

It's not about looks. Clue: if it is, your partner is a jerk who will dump you for the next pretty face. Bonus: You're not too tall. 5'9" is not even that far outside the norm. If you feel awkward because of your height, take yoga or dance classes to get your body parts acquainted with each other and moving with a common purpose.

Fix the things you can control. Be as healthy as you can in the body you have. Be nice to it -- it has to last you a lifetime. Stay in shape, stay clean, don't do stupid things like cut or starve. Eat properly, or learn how. Keep your clothes and living space clean and in in good condition.

If you need help with mental health, that's available nearly everywhere at little to no cost. If you do church or equivalent, that's the easiest route. Same for medical help -- just don't turn being sick into a lifestyle.

Be a well rounded adult, with interests and skills that don't consist entirely of how pathetic and depressing one's life is. Succeed at holding down a job, showing up on time, doing what you promised to do, not getting wasted, accidentally pregnant or arrested, and being someone people want to spend time with because they feel better, not worse, when they're around you.

I relate to this so much, so I don't know what to say, other than god, I get it. You feel so unworthy of love of affection, that you don't deserve to be with someone. I get it.

I've dated multiple women that were traditionally overweight and I didn't care. I had some of the best sex of my life with one of them.

I'm also with a woman 3 inches taller than me now and I LOVE that she's taller than me.

Personally I prefer big, tall women.