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RantThought policing in women's restrooms
So the other day I walked into a women’s restroom at work and found a “Be Kind” sign awkwardly placed below the paper towel dispenser. Like someone had gone to great trouble to make sure it stayed in a place it clearly didn’t belong. Why? Just why? I thought, Can’t even go take a p!ss without being told how to act! Women are always being told: Be this, be that! Now in the frikkin’ restroom? I threw the d@mn thing in the trash and was even sure to push it down to the bottom so no one could see it and fish it out. I made sure it wasn’t replaced.
I know things like this are nothing new, but I see it in a new light since peaking just over a year ago. And I’ve called this “thought policing” because that’s what it feels like - being told what to think, how to act, etc. Of course, the sign could have been a sarcastic way of telling people to wash their hands or something, but I doubt it, and it was still annoying. And I have seen similar signs on policing our behavior in other restrooms in different places. I asked my brother, also gender critical, if signs like this go up in the male restrooms. Nope.
Smh. There are no trans people at my workplace, so this means the sign was definitely placed there by another woman (as opposed to a man pretending to be a woman). What this means: Women can’t even go to the restroom without being told how to think, feel, and act - by other women! It’s an example of the continued infantilization of women, like, “Ok girls! This is your daily reminder of how to act!” My theory is that this is caused by internalized sexism - “I have to act like this, so you do too” type of deal. It’s a very entitled way of thinking, that whichever woman did this thinks she is entitled to speak for all women. If it makes even just one woman uncomfortable, it is not “empowering”, it is not “inclusive.” It’s degrading.
And it begged the question… what does “Be Kind” even mean? Out of curiosity I looked up where “Be Kind” came from. I guess it was some kind of anti-bullying campaign. But the only time I’ve seen the phrase used is when TRAs use it to bully women into accepting men in their same-sex spaces. How ironic.
It’s worth restating a common sentiment I've seen among radfems… I hate “Be Kind” signs or similar, and even think they’re damaging for women. Why? We know that kindness is often conflated with “being nice”. And we know that women are no more obligated to “be kind” than men. And when this is posted in the only woman-only space for women working in male-majority fields (like I do), this is really just reinforcing the idea women should be nice to men. But nice girls don’t get the corner office. And considering that my line of work is particularly infamous for male-on-female harassment and even violence, this is also just telling women to be complicit in their own subordination to men; to second-guess their boundaries; to be nice little flowers.
So I ask for your perspectives. Why do women do this? Why do some women feel this compulsive urge to tell other women how to act? If anything, why do such women think I want to be told to “be kind” when I go to take a leak or a dump? Are they really that desperate? And what other ridiculous thought-policing signs have you seen in women’s restrooms?
I'm stealth in this social media group where you can see tons of parents who say their kids are trans. A few days ago, I saw a post where a mother of a 5 year old called her son her "daughter" and asked about the kid not having dysphoria (not sure how she even decided the kid was trans to begin with) and how many parents relate. The post had tons of comments saying things like "my 4 year old is nonbinary and also doesn't have dysphoria!" and "my 6 year old daughter loves her penis and says it makes her cooler than other girls!" I wish I was kidding. I need to make a collage of some of these comments, blot out the names and post it on here. It's completely off the wall insane. And anybody who claims that the kid is too young (like on some posts where a parent claims their 2 year old kid is trans), is met with anger and "you're transphobic".
are they imagining their kids will take puberty blockers, or are their parents with older kids making that choice yet? It's so easy to get caught in bubbles where you forget just how dramatically perspectives have shifted in some places.
Imagine growing up, socialised as the opposite sex, and realising that no one will ever see you as the opposite sex; that you'll never be one of the people you believe you are; they'll never see you as the same as them even if they pretend, you'll always notice you're different; you'll never feel like one of the people you are either after being raised as the opposite sex. It's sad.
They aren’t socialised as the opposite sex though. Look at the hugely privileged and prized position transgirls have in society- they aren’t being body shamed and sexually harassed and talked over and dismissed. They aren’t experiencing any female socialisation at all.
I agree they are not socialized as the opposite sex.
They are socialized as super special, as the golden child in their families/classrooms/nabes and the apple of their mother's eye, and they are coddled and catered to constantly. They are fawned-over darlings who are treated like show ponies and mini celebrities. They are regarded as wise beyond their years, indeed as gender savants sent to earth to teach lessons to those who hew to out-of-date "cis" ideas like sex is real and it can't be changed. These kids are also seen as inherently noble and virtuous, innocent angels imbued with the divine spirit of revealed gender, superior beings who are incapable of human error and never could do anything wrong. These children are raised to believe that they are their wants must come first, and anyone who doesn't bow to their demands is an evil bigot who wants them dead.
They will be spreading misery around themselves throughout their lives, while all the time their inner landscape is a howling wilderness.
This is true for TIMs who transition later, but I wonder about those who transition at a young age.
Though they probably get coddled so much it doesn't matter, and when they see actual women getting mistreated they probably don't relate as much because deep down they know they aren't female, but they might get some of it. I wonder.
I have come to believe that these parents know full well these young children who they are allowing transition won't ever find suitable partners. It maybe unconscious but is a deliberate strategy to keep kids tied to the parent(s)
Some parents know nothing about the gender cult tactics and they listen to what the experts say to them. The whole pediatric psychology system has been captured by the trans lobby, and they have the "affirm only" policy. And the doctors scare them with the good ol´ : "a trans kid is better than a dead kid".
Other parents are deep in the gender cult and want to feel special. They´re the ones transing their kids, it´s a case of Transhausen by proxy.
You know, this example keeps getting brought up but I have yet to see an actual set of parents who are confused, scared, innocent, etc.
So far 100% of parents with trans kids that I have seen/met have been eyeballs deep in all kinds of performative liberal bullshit. They all have been people who act without thinking and don't listen to others.
They aren't innocent and scared, they're typically covertly homophobic and extremely classist. They are so "in your face" about these issues that people tend to avoid them.
Seriously, I have yet to see one actual sweet, innocent, confused, scared set of parents. It's all been very clearly malicious and unstable parents who are hungry for fame and woke points.
Edit: I have to clarify, I mean parents who have actually forcibly transed their child without the child's even mild consent, aka someone under the age of 13. Not a teenager who spends all day on tumblr, but like a 4 year old "trans" child.
Nobody who would trans their elementary school child is innocent and confused. I can sorta see it for teenagers, but 0% of parents who interpret their male baby kicking open their onesie as "he's actually a girl" is scared, innocent, and confused.
I know a couple. Their girls have autism and once they got to the local secondary that has an autism unit ran by an ‘inclusion officer’, who also runs several lgbt+ lunch time clubs every week, the girls claimed to be trans. They parents already were having hugely problems with the kids being depressed, having no friends etc, so being ‘trans’ made sense to them. Both families have parents who love their kids and want them to be ok, they also both have very low intelligence (I fill in their dla forms/help apply for ehcps, show them ofsted parent view form etc, I’ve seen their level of English is about the same as my preeteens). I wouldn’t say they are scared or feel pushed by drs, they just genuinely aren’t smart enough to see the bs. This is why drs and teachers etc are supposed to have safety nets, they are supposed to know better.
Edit to say- I think those doing this to toddlers/preschoolers are soley the trans by proxy types. No parent looks at their thumb sucking, nappy wearing, mud eating kid and worries about future suicide if they feel trans. But teens influenced by peers and schools are different. Some of those parents don’t fall into trans by proxy.
This is an excellent point: a lot of people rely on the expertise of doctors are teachers and they wouldn't dare question their authority.
This is an excellent point: a lot of people rely on the expertise of doctors are teachers and they wouldn't dare question their authority.
Yep. People with no medical knowledge rely on doctors and therapists to steer them in the correct direction. If multiple psychologists & doctors tell a parent that their child's troubles are due to dysphoria and they'll die without transition; someone who is unaware of the gender cult has no reason to suspect that ALL those professionals could be wrong or lying about the long term risks of things like puberty blockers
I know one person whose 15 yo daughter has decided she wants to transition.The mother is baffled and believes her daughter's decision is the result of the parents divorce that happened just months before the daughter made this announcement. The mother has been warned that her daughter will be taken into foster care if the mother continues to ask her daughter any questions about the decision to transition.
The mother has been warned that her daughter will be taken into foster care if the mother continues to ask her daughter any questions about the decision to transition.
So basically these parents can’t say no even if they wanted to 🤬
Where is this? The mother should take her daughter and get the hell out of dodge. Is the dad on board with this madness?
I don't know what the father thinks.This is an acquaintance who had a meltdown and poured out her heart one day when the stress got too much.
Damn, Canada is tough. If it was the USA, she could flee to another state. But all provinces in Canada are the same, aren't they?
She could go to Mexico, maybe. But I don't know how the dad would react. If they share custody, she can't very well just take the daughter away to another country unless he agrees.
I was stunned.It was really hard to process what she was telling me because I couldn't believe this was actually happening.As for her moving elsewhere, I very much doubt she has the means to move elsewhere.
Where there's a will, there's a way. I would move my kid somewhere safe even if it meant being penniless. I realize it's easier said than done, of course. But if custody is an issue, she is well and truly stuck.
Childhood transition starts with these people taking their gnc toddler to the doctor to "fix" them. So, I agree. They aren't the innocent ones.
extremely classist
I'm very curious about this. It does seem to be upper middle-class who actively trans their pre-pubescent kids. I wonder if gender stereotypes aren't as strongly enforced in lower middle-class or poor families. In most cases, it seems to be parents transing a feminine boy, but I've seen at least one story about a young girls whose mother transed her. I'm not sure why, but my gut instinct is that a roughhousing little girl would be more "embarrassing" in a bougie neighborhood or school.
Coming from a poor family: we dont have time or mind capacity to think about gender. Its a first world problem. When you dont have to worry about what to eat in the last week of the month with 5€ left, you can think about this stuff. Or even when you dont have to work right after school to pay bills.
Coming from a poor family: we dont have time or mind capacity to think about gender. Its a first world problem.
Yep. People with real problems don't have time for genderwoo
I've gone down the "troubled teen industry" rabbit hole and it's the only other cult I've seen where parents are told that unless they do what the cult says, their child will die. The things they say are pretty much 1:1 to convince the parents to sign their kid over to them.
Those parents aren't scared or confused either. They want to deliberately punish and hurt their children, or they can't be bothered to actually sit down and listen to their kids. Those services are super expensive, many cold, distant, rich parents can't be bothered to actually connect with their kids and send them off to those torture camps.
Ignorance is not a valid defense when it comes to suspending someone's civil and human rights. You also cannot get away with saying "but I thought it would help them!" because that also isn't a valid defense. Parents who beat the devil out of their children also think they're helping them, but we all recognize it's abuse and hold them accountable despite how scared or confused they might be.
Parents of trans kids are no different. They are deliberately hurting their children and need to be held accountable, despite their personal worries or feelings over the issue.
Edit: for some reason people interpret things like this as "ONLY the parents should get in trouble" which is so far from what I mean it's actually laughable.
Every single adult involved with the transition of a child needs to be held accountable. Don't go after just one type of person, they are all responsible. The doctors, the therapists, the parents, etc. They have all colluded against the child.
These places go to great lengths to hide that they are abusive, that's their whole MO, they make it seem like some happy therapeutic horse/nature summer camp school to help kids. The parents have no idea what they're signing their kid up for. And they're not all rich, many of the parents bankrupted themselves in their attempt to pay, or took on 3 jobs, etc. They absolutely do scare the shit out of these parents to convince them it's the right thing to do, or else their child will die. It's also what they brainwash the children themselves with, which is also similar to the gender cult which tells them they're bound to commit suicide if they don't transition. Of course there are some parents that just want to pawn their kid off on someone else, but even then, they don't know it's the torture camp that it is, because again they go to great lengths to hide that fact from all of the parents. Not excusing or defending them, and yes I even agree the parents should still take some of the responsibility regardless, just stating facts.
The desperate need to have their kids be special. I'm reminded of the Indigo Children fad, but transkids is much, much more harmful and dangerous.
These are the "sports", "stage", and "academic" narcissistic parents....at least in previous generations they weren't medically experimenting on their unloved children.
these people are too clouded with narcissism or sheer lack of empathy to care about their children. that's genuinely it. The emotional neglect and complete disinterest in their child's well-being is probably part of the reason their child is lashing out like this in the first place.
They get a LOT of positive reinforcement for it because now their child is so special and they can be both lauded as parents and protected by supporters while they cry 'victim'. Munchhausen by Proxy.
Most parents of tween and teens I know who who are going through this are terrified or confused, but the parents of the younger ones are attention-seekers.
A couple of centuries ago all children wore dresses up until a certain age with boys going on to wear short pants as they aged out of toddlerhood and into boyhood. In those days boys and girls were both treated equally as babies although a male heir would be fussed over more but any other males and females were treated equally. I can't recall reading of any child being transed by a parent back then except a handful of girls being passed off as boys for inheritance purposes. These girls were benefiting their entire family by keeping up the pretence and if they pulled it off they had a better life themselves.
When we began to dress and treat boy and girl babies differently it was not unusual to treat the girls like little dolls. They would be fussed over for their looks, dressed up in pretty clothes, and taken out to show how pretty they were. Boys were treated with more respect and encouraged to be independent and active. There were quite a few instances where mothers pined for a girl to fuss over and if they didn't have one they would trans the boy to turn him into the little girl they had always wanted. These boys would mostly escape their mothers in their early teens but one or two would continue to do their mother's bidding forever. They never became independent and lived with Mummy until her death. I have no idea what is driving this modern denial of a child's sex but this stuff is always effed up.
There were quite a few instances where mothers pined for a girl to fuss over and if they didn't have one they would trans the boy to turn him into the little girl they had always wanted.
Patricia Cornwell wrote in her book about jack the ripper that his mother "transed" him when he was a child due to his penis deformity.
So many serial killers were forced to cross dress or did it latter on their own. Its so .....strange.
I have some delightful photos in my possession of male ancestors in frocks. One is positively LACY.
A couple of centuries ago all children wore dresses up until a certain age with boys going on to wear short pants as they aged out of toddlerhood and into boyhood.
This is one of the ways fast fashion & capitalism came together to create a new problem. Children all dressed in gowns back then because it was more economical (boys and girls could share clothes and they don't grow out of gowns as quickly). But now even newborn clothing is ridiculously gendered.
I dressed my baby in hand me downs and I prefer to buy her practical clothes now that she's moving around. But relatives always want to give her glittery pink shit
"Ok Donnabella I’m glad your happy. See you next week'
LMAO. needed that. thx
Many of these parents are also very Woke. They're "letting their kids be their true selves."🙄
They hate their kids and want to set the up for failure. On top of that, they get to use the “my kid’s trans” card anytime they need to get out of a tough situation. It’s not hard. It’s a win/win especially when both parents are on board.
Many of these parents have been told their kid will be at risk of suicide if they don't jump in headfirst with the support.
Others are doing it for attention so they love doing it every day.
One reason why "sincerely held belief in what sex you are" is not a good rule to decide who to exclude from women's spaces. Some children are adversarially decieved.
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Mothers aren't all the same. Same some very little love or respect for their child.
Very true. It's so sad to see a woman who grew her child in her body disrespect and not give a crap about the child's existence anymore. Some people really should not have kids.
Came here to say this. Plenty of parents fail thier children.
As someone who was raised by a legit monster who probably would have transed me for woke points, I envy the people who have encountered so few monsters in thier lives that they are shocked by all of this.
They are brainwashed or socially pressured into thinking this IS love. Just like Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists, etc any other cult.
Oh come on, but Timmy really really really wants to be Tina! And its important these days for parents to support each and every thing their child desires and to constantly lavish them with praise and affection no matter what. And don't use the word No! Ever! If you're not your child's best friend by the time they move out at age 35, then you have failed as a parent.
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an unwinnable fight with the very fabric of reality
Wonderful turn of phrase, one I'll definitely be borrowing!
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Another category of parents could be the Munchausen by Proxy parents who enjoy the attention they get from their child's procedures, or in this case their child's 'identity'.
This is what I think of whenever I see Jazz Jennings. My heart aches when I see her, and every time I google her, she looks more unhappy and unhealthy. She can’t even deal with her tragedy in peace. She has to cope to keep up the illusion, because her parents have forced her into the spotlight for the wokepoints(tm)
Edit: I was redundant af
Sorry, but why do you keep referring to a maleman with female pronouns? You won't get banned for 'misgendering' here so why parrot the lie?
[edit because I can actually call Jazz a man here instead of having to skirt around it with 'male']
I get what you’re saying. I usually use male pronouns for TiMs but it’s hard for me to do it with Jazz because I don’t really view her the same as older AGPs. I definitely don’t see Jazz as a woman, but I don’t see a man either. More an unfortunate victim who will always be ‘other.’
And deep down when I “misgender” people I know I partially do it because it’s cathartic to piss them off and get their Wish panties in a bunch. I do it to be a bitch. But I can’t be a bitch to Jazz, I feel way too much pity. When actually talking about Jazz out loud I end up using both pronouns.
He/she’s a unique case to me, that’s what I’m trying to spew out lol!
With strongly GNC kids, I do think it's possible that they really are happier living as the opposite sex before puberty hits. If their parents and schools are affirming, it means they get lots of positive attention, and they get to wear clothes and play with toys they like.
Once medicalization occurs, they're in for a lifetime of mental and physical health problems. They'll miss out on huge developmental milestones and gradually have less and less in common with their peers. I hope Jazz someday has enough insight and focus to write a brutally honest memoir.
I hope so, too. My heart goes out to her, really. Between all she’s been through medically, and having it all exposed to the world, it’s going to be so hard for her to have a normal life.
I really wonder what will happen to these kids. I hope they can find support with each other.
Believe me, as a parent of a teen who transidentified, I couldn't believe that all the adults we had to deal with professed to believe that my daughter was a boy. It felt like a very weird Invasion of the Body Snatchers -- adults with college degrees, some in medicine, telling me that my daughter was really a boy.
It's a polite fiction we maintain. Nobody wants to be like homophobes of the past who said gay people were sick and wrong. And we can all think to ourselves "well gosh yes how we feel inside is super important, if this person feels inside that they are a different sex then it's really good to affirm them because it would be so cruel and wrong to tell them otherwise".
I wish I could go along with the "polite fiction" ideal, except that it only felt fictional and there was zero politeness evident when professionals told me that I would be the reason my daughter would kill herself.
Except they said "son."
I'm so sorry they said that to you.
That is so freaking horrible. Cruel.
It drives me crazy that people don't understand this is nothing like homophobia though. It's not like any group that claims to be oppressed deserves our time of day.
"I have such deeply internalized misogyny/homophobia and believe so strongly in strict adherence to gender roles that I am psychologically distressed at the idea of myself being GNC and have convinced myself I am literally the opposite sex" is not oppression, it's just a mental condition like any other.
I really wonder, if "MAPs"(pedos) came up to these people and used the TRA style arguments, would they fall for it too? "Age is just a European created social construct, in some cultures your age is recorded differently, therefore anybody can be any age". "If you don't accept me as I am then you're just as evil and discriminatory as racists and homophobes".
I can see "we must decolonize the age of consent' as a serious slogan in the future...
Any day now.
So basically my daughter?