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Rant‘Dad bods’
I know it’s not the most important issue on the feminist radar, but I can not stand the phrase ‘dad bod’. Men have not done anything to earn the name - they haven’t carried a child, birthed a child and they sure as hell aren’t devoting all their time and energy into raising a child. They have a middle age bod. That’s it. We need women to push back on this because while it doesn’t really matter in the grand ole scheme of things, men shouldn’t be able to delude themselves into thinking the fact they have a child impacts their physique at all.
Hate it. My third child left me with diastasis recti and now I look permanently pregnant. But a bulging stomach isn't allowed on a woman so there is no acknowledgement of the "mom bod."
The fact that there is no room for "the mom bod" is my main reason for hating the term "dad bod". It is just another example of how women are held to impossible standards and men are generally allowed more slack.
And insurance won't cover diastasis recti because its ""cosmetic"". But they'll cover Frankenstein surgeries for TIPs
I hate dad bods I find them disgusting. Moids have no excuse not to be somewhat fit. No excuse for them since most of them don't do jack around the house or with their kids. Nor can they physically get pregnant. Sick of moids being hyped all the time. Please don't reply with a not my nigel. Until I see it in a majority it will not factor.
Agree. There is a tiny bit of truth to it. Testosterone drops with the birth of a child, but this is for men actively involved in child rearing. And, this is NOTHING, like what a woman’s body undergoes.
Women, however, get stretch marks, loose skin, sagging stomach and breasts, changes in skin, changes in hair, changes in hormones, etc. Moms only get credit for “mom bod” when they defy nature and appear like they have never had children.
Huge double standard.
Don’t forget the possibility of other more serious risks from pregnancy such as vaginal tears, gestational diabetes, tooth loss, urinary incontinence, pelvic fractures, postpartum psychosis, eclampsia, etc.
"Dad bod" is in a similar category as "We are pregnant" (when talking about straight a couple). Although the latter is still worse.
Well, when a they/them woman is expecting, the announcement would have to be we are pregnant, amirite?
I'm right there with you. I know women can have different tastes but it feels to me like the case here is that men have suppressed and mocked women's sexual desires and made them so unimportant that most of these women (and most women in general) don't even know what they like. That the women saying they like dad bods aren't saying they're sexually attracted to them--because they don't even know or care what they're sexually attracted to--they're just saying they find men with dad bods pitiable and/or a subconscious signal that these men are less able to harm them compared to muscular guys. (Not saying it's true, just what women who say this believe to be true.)
Meanwhile thousands of men are so many layers deep into paraphilias and porn they can't even get it up for a normal woman anymore. It's a dystopia.
"Dad bod" is essentially men being fawned over for getting old and fat. "Mom bod" isn't a thing, of course.
It's called being schlubby and it is not caused by the direction their sperm swam.
I don't take issue with the term itself, but its popularity is part of a postfeminist trend where women are expected to take responsibility for men's mental health and body image, while ignoring how these things affect women.
I get what you mean - it is nothing like having carried a child for 9 months and given birth.
I will say though, that having a child does impact one's physique, just not in that direct way. It means less time to be physically active, less sleep, more stress. But that's the same for the woman (and more so). I know one could "just prioritize differently", I've heard that so many times myself, but it is practically impossible (to some) when work and dark winter is taken into account.
Edit: I also dislike the term. It glorifies men for being somewhat unhealthy, where women are being picked on for the same, even though the woman went through pregnancy which can really change the body. The only """praise""" of a "mum bod" would be the MILF thing, and that isn't praise, it's just pornification of women as per usual.
Edit: because my fingers insist on hitting the wrong keys 😒
You’re making the assumption that the father is getting less sleep, has less time for exercise and is more stressed. I don’t think the research backs this up. Women do the majority of the care for children - not to mention the majority of domestic labour in the house.
Not to be "not all men!!111!!" but I know for certain in my case my husband gets up a lot with the baby and takes on a lot of childcare, some men are genuinely great fathers. I can believe a lot of men sacrifice their bodies for their kids too, although certainly much less than women
I agree. We tend toward a black/white picture of men and women in here. I can understand it, especially because having to constantly add disclaimers make actual discussion difficult 😅 but that doesn't mean we can't take a step back sometimes.
How can a man sacrifice his body for his kids, please?
As I explained in another comment, I am not saying that men sacrifice their bodies the way women do, or that they are affected the same way. I merely said that having a kid does (if they are good fathers and don't just expect the woman to do it all) have an impact, in the way of them not getting as much sleep as they normally would/should, not having as much time for exercise etc. (like is also the case for women, this is not me saying men have it worse).
Yeah sometimes I feel almost guilty because my husband gives him most meals, wakes up with him in the morning, is much better at calming him down etc.
It's great but makes me feel that something is wrong with me that my mothering hasn't been 100% innate and instinctive, I've needed a lot of help and often have no clue what I'm doing.
I have another girlfriend who also has boyfriend who's a fantastic 100% present father, and she felt guilty that she couldn't do it all the way mothers are supposed to.
Like I dread when my husband has to go to a meeting because I feel so useless when my son starts having a tantrum or refusing to eat.
I think it’s safe to say you are in the minority with your husband. It’s impossible to use the small percentage of men who contribute equally to parenting as a defence for all of them - which is essentially what you’re doing. I’ve got a good husband, I have one girlfriend with a good husband, a lot of men sacrifice their bodies - there’s hope for other women too. Trust me; there’s not. On the whole, men do not contribute equally (and I mean on the scale of men being bad fathers that lack of contribution is minor compared to other things they do - DV, financial abuse, emotional abuse etc). I am pretty active in single mother communities -the horror stories you hear about how men behave. Then you have the men who lose their mind about not having control over their wife and kids and they go and and kill them. I know I’m leaning to the extreme, but men on the whole, for most women, do not contribute in a positive, meaningful way. The anecdote about your husband is not helpful for the majority of women.
I'm not disputing that.
I would like to make clear that I am not talking about all fathers. Some are better, some are worse etc., and it will also differ in culture how big the gap is between the mother and the father. Like, making a blanket claim that covers Saudi Arabia and Sweden wouldn't make much sense. I can mostly speak from my own culture, and while things aren't perfect (obviously, I almost want to add), a lot of men do participate in the home. We still do more in general, but it's also not a given that the man doesn't do anything. So, while the mother gets less sleep (breast feeding etc), the father also gets less than what is ideal (in some, not all cases...) All I'm saying is that having a child is also an impact in many fathers' lives, although in a different way and to varying degree depending on the man and culture etc.
Not to be the ‘akshully’ girl
But being a father does lower testosterone
I think it’s a evolutionary alteration to make men more able to handle kid frustrations and want to stay home
https://www.science.org/content/article/fatherhood-decreases-testosterone
"handle kid frustrations" = don't kill your young.
Idk. T gets lower, but not so low that they don't still have a muscular development advantage compared to women, and women certainly don't get a pass. They still have more than enough for them to stay fit, particularly once their children are old enough to be active. (presuming no medical conditions, obvs)
True, but I don't see why that should be attractive to any woman except for the mother of the kids. It would be in everyone's best interest if it rendered the man unattractive to other women! And perhaps that's part of why it evolved to be that way.
Dad bods are repulsive sry. Lazy gluttonous men- easier for them to lose weight and gain muscle yet it’s enticing for them to be chubby and not us who are meant to store more fat? Be for real.
I have no kids, so I don't feel I have to claim to find "dad bods" attractive. I'm not an adulterer, I will leave the dads to their wives.
If I find a good man and have two kids with him and he takes care of them everyday while I'm at work and gets chubby because they only eat spaghetti and he has to eat the same, and never has time to go to the gym because I work long hours and the kids need him, then I might find that specific "dad bod" attractive.
Otherwise, why would I?
I think it's copium. By the time a woman has had a child with a man, shes probably not going to insult his body. Instead she's just going to say that she likes him the way he is
If you cant have the one you love, love the one youre with.
The dad bod thing is another example of how women fawn all over men. I constantly hear women saying how much they love dad bods.
Women will bend over backwards to convince men that no no no I actually love guys who are fat, short and greying / balding! Personality is way more important! I'd rather date Jack Black than (insert hot make celebrity)! Of course I'm not saying personality and how a guy treats us can't make a guy sexier. But let's be real!
LMAO you will never hear men fawning over fat or older women. When's the last time you heard men in masse say "actually I love belly pooch/wrinkles/grey hair" on women. On the rare occasion they do, it's considered a fetish others find gross or weird and they get made fun of.
Everytime I hear a woman insist she loves and prefers dad bod to fit muscular men, I think of that cartoon of the women carrying the giant penis.
Women have to convince guys that they arent "shallow" by saying how much they love short/chubby guys and only like personality meanwhile men will treat women they find unattractive like the antiChrist
Ok tbh I've ONLY dated short guys. I prefer a partner I literally don't have to look up to (crane my neck)
I'd really love to understand why so many women are so put off by short guys to the point they're comparable in ugliness to a dad bod. It almost feels like an incel psyop to me lol
The preference for tall guys is overblown. I have a lot of tall women in my family. And a lot of men refuse to date a woman who is taller than them because it makes them feel emasculated. One of my cousins played college sports and she is tall and gorgeous. But the 3 or 4 times she asked out a man who was shorter than her, he shot her down because it would be "weird" to date a taller woman. So, after that, she only pursued men who were taller than she was
Incels would call her a shallow bitch who only wants tall Chads. But she only pursues taller men because insecure short men made things weird
Right - or the men who demand their partners don’t wear high heels because of they don’t want to be the shorter partner. It’s men with the issue over their height - not us.
No, it's not just them. Tall men are definitely hot. Or at least, their tallness is a considerable factor. But so what? We like what we like. If they can have preferences, why can't we.
I think the height thing is overblown too, but most women do want to date a guy who is at least her height if going on looks alone. That's what I meant by "short guys."
Idkk i think alot of women dont mind short guys but some have a preference
For sure! It's just curious why it's so rare to see women say they have a preference for short guys, it's always "idc" or "I prefer tall guys." (Honestly very comparable to how men feel about small breasts now that I think about it.)
Everyone is susceptible to preferring or defaulting to what's deemed "normal" it seems haha.
I see women online raving about "short kings" all the time. I don't usually hear anything in real life either way though.
THIS! I really don't care if men want to use "dad bod" to describe themselves. But its annoying when women feel the need to signal how un-shallow they are by swooning over men with beer bellies.
We all know that you'll never see a man of any age gushing about how much he loves stretchmarks and eye bags on women.
Eh, I'd believe that a woman is into chubby guys. Women have different types. I'm more into thin guys without a lot of muscle.
I just have a hard time believing anyone would find a beer gut attractive, and that's what I think of when I hear "dad bod", cause it is what men get when they age - regular chubbyness, they often start out with.
Your second paragraph is kind of what I meant. I am a straight woman and there's definitely a line where a guy gets too muscular for my tastes. And of course different women do have different tastes. But very few women are actually going to pick the beer gut over the guy who is in decent shape if going on looks alone.
My partner has Dad bod and a tummy and I love and prefer it. He's squishy and cuddley which I find cute and soothing. I've never found "fit" men attractive at all and I'm not alone.
TBF I’m fit and I still don’t like to date guys with drastically different body types than mine be it skinny, fat, or super muscular.
I want someone that I feel on even footing with attractiveness-wise. Skinny guys make me self conscious and I could see overweight women preferring overweight men for that reason.
I mean, we are told that any comments on women's looks or bodies, whether complimentary or not, is rude and unwanted. So many of us are afraid to discuss such a thing and often don't. I also don't think "Dad bod" is describing fat or old men. Google for images. It's basically just a bit of a belly and toned arms or legs can still be present.
I've also never seen women bend over backwards to convince anyone they love short guys lol dating profiles are notorious for having a height requirement of the men. The term "short kings" is literally to combat the pervasive understanding that short men are thought as lesser in the eyes of women. I'm fine with the height requirement thing, but I don't think society would be with a male equivalent.
Your post is essentially saying that no girl in their right mind would find an older, graying, or out-of-shape man attractive, validating why certain women might feel the need to state otherwise. :-/
This sort of narrow minded bs is precisely why men who come here “as feminists” shouldn’t actually be here. Because they’ll say stupid things pretending to know better than actual women.
I have. (Not anymore because I learned it’s a waste of time and that men often don’t value women’s individual opinions. When they say they don’t get any support, they often mean they don’t get enough worship/sexual attention.) So have friends of mine. Plenty of women don’t give a shit about height.
And the whole “eek were told any comments about women’s bodies are unwanted, that’s surely why fat and older women are more ignored and not as complimented” type rubbish. Lmao what a ridiculous reply to the post.
You’re also out of touch by mentioning dating profiles as evidence of women’s opinions, as many women do not enjoy using OLD anyway, there’s a stark imbalance of male to female users, and OLD profiles are not good representation of women/male interaction.