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Rant‘Dad bods’
I know it’s not the most important issue on the feminist radar, but I can not stand the phrase ‘dad bod’. Men have not done anything to earn the name - they haven’t carried a child, birthed a child and they sure as hell aren’t devoting all their time and energy into raising a child. They have a middle age bod. That’s it. We need women to push back on this because while it doesn’t really matter in the grand ole scheme of things, men shouldn’t be able to delude themselves into thinking the fact they have a child impacts their physique at all.
I get what you mean - it is nothing like having carried a child for 9 months and given birth.
I will say though, that having a child does impact one's physique, just not in that direct way. It means less time to be physically active, less sleep, more stress. But that's the same for the woman (and more so). I know one could "just prioritize differently", I've heard that so many times myself, but it is practically impossible (to some) when work and dark winter is taken into account.
Edit: I also dislike the term. It glorifies men for being somewhat unhealthy, where women are being picked on for the same, even though the woman went through pregnancy which can really change the body. The only """praise""" of a "mum bod" would be the MILF thing, and that isn't praise, it's just pornification of women as per usual.
Edit: because my fingers insist on hitting the wrong keys 😒
You’re making the assumption that the father is getting less sleep, has less time for exercise and is more stressed. I don’t think the research backs this up. Women do the majority of the care for children - not to mention the majority of domestic labour in the house.
Not to be "not all men!!111!!" but I know for certain in my case my husband gets up a lot with the baby and takes on a lot of childcare, some men are genuinely great fathers. I can believe a lot of men sacrifice their bodies for their kids too, although certainly much less than women
I agree. We tend toward a black/white picture of men and women in here. I can understand it, especially because having to constantly add disclaimers make actual discussion difficult 😅 but that doesn't mean we can't take a step back sometimes.
How can a man sacrifice his body for his kids, please?
As I explained in another comment, I am not saying that men sacrifice their bodies the way women do, or that they are affected the same way. I merely said that having a kid does (if they are good fathers and don't just expect the woman to do it all) have an impact, in the way of them not getting as much sleep as they normally would/should, not having as much time for exercise etc. (like is also the case for women, this is not me saying men have it worse).
Yeah sometimes I feel almost guilty because my husband gives him most meals, wakes up with him in the morning, is much better at calming him down etc.
It's great but makes me feel that something is wrong with me that my mothering hasn't been 100% innate and instinctive, I've needed a lot of help and often have no clue what I'm doing.
I have another girlfriend who also has boyfriend who's a fantastic 100% present father, and she felt guilty that she couldn't do it all the way mothers are supposed to.
Like I dread when my husband has to go to a meeting because I feel so useless when my son starts having a tantrum or refusing to eat.
I think it’s safe to say you are in the minority with your husband. It’s impossible to use the small percentage of men who contribute equally to parenting as a defence for all of them - which is essentially what you’re doing. I’ve got a good husband, I have one girlfriend with a good husband, a lot of men sacrifice their bodies - there’s hope for other women too. Trust me; there’s not. On the whole, men do not contribute equally (and I mean on the scale of men being bad fathers that lack of contribution is minor compared to other things they do - DV, financial abuse, emotional abuse etc). I am pretty active in single mother communities -the horror stories you hear about how men behave. Then you have the men who lose their mind about not having control over their wife and kids and they go and and kill them. I know I’m leaning to the extreme, but men on the whole, for most women, do not contribute in a positive, meaningful way. The anecdote about your husband is not helpful for the majority of women.
I'm not disputing that.
I would like to make clear that I am not talking about all fathers. Some are better, some are worse etc., and it will also differ in culture how big the gap is between the mother and the father. Like, making a blanket claim that covers Saudi Arabia and Sweden wouldn't make much sense. I can mostly speak from my own culture, and while things aren't perfect (obviously, I almost want to add), a lot of men do participate in the home. We still do more in general, but it's also not a given that the man doesn't do anything. So, while the mother gets less sleep (breast feeding etc), the father also gets less than what is ideal (in some, not all cases...) All I'm saying is that having a child is also an impact in many fathers' lives, although in a different way and to varying degree depending on the man and culture etc.