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Dear all, I'm afraid this will be long, but I need to get something off my chest.

When r/GenderCritical got banned, I was feeling rather hopeless. We had a community that was growing fast, peak transing more and more people, gaining media attention. We became too big and therefore a threat, so they had to get rid of us. Even though it was to be expected, I was devastated. I lost a community of people who shared the same concerns as me, most of whom started off as liberal "just be kind" feminists. Those women shared the same grief that I did when it became clear a lot of LGBT and the left weren't our friends. It was an island of sanity and a breath of fresh air.

I am the kind of person who prefers to read other women's thoughts over sharing my own. Never felt like I had anything original to say anyway. And my experience on GC was just that: consuming the content created by others, with zero input of my own. In all of three years I maybe left two or three comments... But reading GC was part of my daily routine, and I tried to read there as much as I could.

When Ovarit became active about a month after the ban, I immediately got an invite. But I knew our huge network was lost and was devastated to see five threads where there used to be fifty, two comments instead of two hundred. I couldn't bear to look at it, so I stopped visiting the site for almost half a year. After all, I was a 'lurker' and there was very little content for me to 'consume'.

But when I opened the site around December, I couldn't believe how much was done in such little time. It was just like r/GC, better even, since we didn't have to follow a billion of reddit 'rules' just to keep us afloat. Seeing Ovarit thrive was glorious, but at that moment I felt deep shame that I stood aside when my silly little comments were perhaps needed most. When others were building Ovarit from scratch, I was doing nothing to help restore our community. A simple 'like' could go a long way in encouraging people to post and comment more, especially if you are like me: constantly doubting yourself and considering deleting if no one reacted.

So, thank you, truly, to all those who posted, commented, liked and shared, in those first few months and now. Ovarit became what it is no thanks to me, but I will try to do better in the future. I will make it a point to 'like' more posts and comments. I will try to overcome my fear of engaging with others and write deep and thoughtful responses such as "great idea" and "haha". Sometimes, like now, I will even bring myself to post. And, instead of assuming I'm not smart or knowledgeable enough to speak, I will try anyway.

I feel so lucky and grateful that there are other women taking the same small steps as me.

Thank you. You are all really great.

Dear all, I'm afraid this will be long, but I need to get something off my chest. When r/GenderCritical got banned, I was feeling rather hopeless. We had a community that was growing fast, peak transing more and more people, gaining media attention. We became too big and therefore a threat, so they had to get rid of us. Even though it was to be expected, I was devastated. I lost a community of people who shared the same concerns as me, most of whom started off as liberal "just be kind" feminists. Those women shared the same grief that I did when it became clear a lot of LGBT and the left weren't our friends. It was an island of sanity and a breath of fresh air. I am the kind of person who prefers to read other women's thoughts over sharing my own. Never felt like I had anything original to say anyway. And my experience on GC was just that: consuming the content created by others, with zero input of my own. In all of three years I maybe left two or three comments... But reading GC was part of my daily routine, and I tried to read there as much as I could. When Ovarit became active about a month after the ban, I immediately got an invite. But I knew our huge network was lost and was devastated to see five threads where there used to be fifty, two comments instead of two hundred. I couldn't bear to look at it, so I stopped visiting the site for almost half a year. After all, I was a 'lurker' and there was very little content for me to 'consume'. But when I opened the site around December, I couldn't believe how much was done in such little time. It was just like r/GC, better even, since we didn't have to follow a billion of reddit 'rules' just to keep us afloat. Seeing Ovarit thrive was glorious, but at that moment I felt deep shame that I stood aside when my silly little comments were perhaps needed most. When others were building Ovarit from scratch, I was doing nothing to help restore our community. A simple 'like' could go a long way in encouraging people to post and comment more, especially if you are like me: constantly doubting yourself and considering deleting if no one reacted. So, thank you, truly, to all those who posted, commented, liked and shared, in those first few months and now. Ovarit became what it is no thanks to me, but I will try to do better in the future. I will make it a point to 'like' more posts and comments. I will try to overcome my fear of engaging with others and write deep and thoughtful responses such as "great idea" and "haha". Sometimes, like now, I will even bring myself to post. And, instead of assuming I'm not smart or knowledgeable enough to speak, I will try anyway. I feel so lucky and grateful that there are other women taking the same small steps as me. Thank you. You are all really great.

58 comments

GC was thrilling because it was the perfect antidote to the gaslighting that goes on in almost every other place I visit. When it got taken down I was really upset. I never contributed because honestly I was scared to. I found this place by searching on Twitter on a whim and I’m so glad I did. I can’t use any of my existing social media to say anything because I would definitely lose my job. But reading this site is really such an antidote to the weird brain fog poison induced by the rest of social media.

I know what you mean. I found a little solution for when I can't risk expressing GC views in real life. Don't know if it's applicable in your situation, but.

Basically I dance on the line, saying things that would get TRAs all hot and bothered, but unable to prove anything. Luckily, a lot of feminist ideas seem 'terfy' to them, so it's not hard to rattle them 😄

And when put on the spot, I pretend to be confused, which only annoys them more.

But still, there is stuff I can't do yet, like share the documentary Dysphoric on facebook. Really considered it today, but decided to postpone my grand terf entrance for a bit.

I only put my foot down once when speaking to a guy I know about homophobia in football. He kept talking about LGBT representation in sports and I kept saying “no, let’s keep on topic to LGB, the T in sport is a completely different issue. Gay people’s issues in being accepted into sports are different and it’s not fair to put the two together because they both have very different needs”. Obviously I never explained my position but even speaking to this gay man, he couldn’t seem to grasp that T and G had different experiences of sport. In fact, when I tried to bring up that every letter in LGBT has a different experience of sport, he didn’t get that either. He kept telling me he learned how to be woke and didn’t want trans people left out of any conversation.

Like... don’t worry, buddy. They aren’t.

[–] boston11 [OP] 23 points Edited

I have this perception of some people that they actively force themselves not to think. They know thinking can lead to confusion and surprising conclusions. They don't want to be surprised or confused! They'd rather put their hands on their ears and go "lalalalala" until you go away and stop threatening their little bubble where everything makes sense, but only if you don't ask questions.

In their bubble, there is no confusion, no grey areas - only black and white, right and wrong. It's easy to live like that, when you're told what's good and what's bad. I sometimes miss those times - I was definitely happier when all the thinking was done for me.

Still, it's a good thing you tried to reach to him. Maybe one day something will happen that will make him remember your conversation and feel uneasy.

Obviously I never explained my position but even speaking to this gay man, he couldn’t seem to grasp that T and G had different experiences of sport. In fact, when I tried to bring up that every letter in LGBT has a different experience of sport, he didn’t get that either.

I spoke to a guy the other day who seemed to think 'bisexual' and 'nonbinary' were synonyms. I think feminists can massively overestimate how much the average person understands about all this.

That was very well written. Please contribute more! 💜

Haha great idea! Just kidding. I will try ❤️

This is a great post, very moving...please do write more, you seem like the kind of person we'd all like to hear from.

[–] Vita 41 points

Yes, it only works & grows if we all participate!

All you lurkers, come and join in! 👩‍💻

I was really upset when GC and GCdebatesQT where banned as well! I am glad you found your way over here!

The Secret Internet of Terfs is not that secret, it turns out. Happy we're both here!

[–] bellatrixbells BoobatrixRex 28 points

Don't worry about not having participated "enough" (by whose standards anyways ? I don't think anyone on here will be blaming you).

This is cheesy AF but in life there are different kinds of people. Some of them will lead, some of them like me will yap about all day long and throw coal into the locomotive. Others will only board the train. And that's okay. Not everyone can be an operator or a machinist. We need passengers, if nothing else to show others on the outside that the train is safe to board or that they will have fellow passengers if they choose to come along.

If you need the train to be up and running before you board it, fine. I'm fairly sure I'm not the only one who does this in good part to provide food for thought, a sense of belonging, and a community not only to people like ourselves who speak a lot, but for people like you who'd rather listen and chime in occasionally. But most of us probably do it because it comes naturally to us/we like it, not because we force ourselves in order to fill the locomotive.

Besides, if everyone spoke as much as people like me we would probably have a problem. Thanks for balancing it out, I feel less guilty. 😂😂😉

That's a really amazing analogy. Makes me feel so much better. I may not be a machinist, but if it wasn't for us passengers, the machinist wouldn't have a job 😅

[–] bellatrixbells BoobatrixRex 4 points

I must admit I'm a bit proud of it. 😂

Glad it made you feel better :)

If even a third of your comments are as heartfelt as this, we desperately need your input on everything! This was beautiful, thank you so much for writing it. I'm glad you're here, and I'm glad you're speaking out now.

I relate to your experience so very much, I’m always a lurker rather than a commenter (IRL too) for the same reasons you mentioned. You have inspired me to contribute more 🤗

Thank you for being here! This community is so important to me as well. ❤️

It baffles me when I sometimes read on twitter that we are a bunch of 'mean girls' who talk about which trans people we hate the most on a given day. This is the nicest community I have ever been part of.

P. S. Quick shoutout to our fans at GenderCynical. Sorry that you guys had to read through all these comments only to find nice things. Life is unfair 😭

Hahah my partner occasionally trolls Gender Cynical to see if I've been a "celebrity" on there lately LOL

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