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Thousands of people shared their Peak Trans stories on r/GenderCritical before trans activists managed to pressure Reddit into censoring us. If you shared there before, please share again.


Many of us accepted the claims of trans activists, wanting to be tolerant and kind, until we really listened to what they were saying and compared it to our own knowledge and experience.

  • Can "woman" be just an identity, divorced from biology? Can penises be female? Can men give birth? Do trans women really have periods?

  • Is it fair for males to compete with girls and women in women's sports?

  • Should people be forced to "accept" that trans women are women, and be compelled to say so? Should people really be censored for disagreeing, or saying anything contrary about it?

  • Should women be called "cis women" even when they don't identify with sexist gender roles, just because they aren't trans? Doesn't the claim that gender is some kind of natural, inborn psychological phenomenon contradict decades of feminists saying gender is a limiting social construct that is forced on us by society?

  • Should girls who don't like dolls or dresses be treated with double mastectomies and lifelong hormones? Should we be cavalier about prescribing puberty blockers to children when they can cause life-long health problems?

  • Should women be shamed as trans-exclusionary for talking about our reproductive health and anatomy? Are "pussy hats" transphobic?

  • Is it acceptable for lesbians to be bullied for not wanting to have relationships with trans women? Doesn't the struggle against the "cotton ceiling" contradict everything we've been saying about enthusiastic consent and rape culture?

  • Should women be denied the option of not seeing a penis in a women's shower room? Is it really transphobia that makes women alarmed at seeing males in women-only spaces? Is it actually transphobic for women to not want trans women in women-only rape crisis centers, domestic violence shelters, or prisons?

  • Should women never be allowed to exclude males from any women's spaces, groups, or events? Are people who disagree with what trans activists say really all "trans exclusionary radical feminists" or "TERFs," even when they aren't feminists or trans-exclusionary?

What is peak trans?

Many of us called this “peak trans”—that moment when you realize “trans rights” are not really about supporting a marginalized population, but about undermining the rights of girls and women and bullying people into accepting transgender ideology. –Thistle Peterson: How I Became the Most Hated Folk Singer in Madison

Are you ready to reach peak trans? Or you just want to know what those "TERFs" you've heard about are saying so you can debunk them? Read on... and get ready to add your own story!



NOTE: Please reserve this space for peak trans stories only! Brief messages of welcome are fine, but if something here inspires you to more discussion, please make a new post.

Thousands of people shared their Peak Trans stories on r/GenderCritical before trans activists managed to pressure Reddit into censoring us. If you shared there before, please share again. ----- **Many of us accepted the claims of trans activists, wanting to be tolerant and kind, until we really listened to what they were saying and compared it to our own knowledge and experience.** - Can "woman" be just an identity, divorced from biology? Can penises be female? Can men give birth? Do trans women really have periods? - Is it fair for males to compete with girls and women in women's sports? - Should people be forced to "accept" that trans women are women, and be compelled to say so? Should people really be censored for disagreeing, or saying anything contrary about it? - Should women be called "cis women" even when they don't identify with sexist gender roles, just because they aren't trans? Doesn't the claim that gender is some kind of natural, inborn psychological phenomenon contradict decades of feminists saying gender is a limiting social construct that is forced on us by society? - Should girls who don't like dolls or dresses be treated with double mastectomies and lifelong hormones? Should we be cavalier about prescribing puberty blockers to children when they can cause life-long health problems? - Should women be shamed as trans-exclusionary for talking about our reproductive health and anatomy? Are "pussy hats" transphobic? - Is it acceptable for lesbians to be bullied for not wanting to have relationships with trans women? Doesn't the struggle against the "cotton ceiling" contradict everything we've been saying about enthusiastic consent and rape culture? - Should women be denied the option of not seeing a penis in a women's shower room? Is it really transphobia that makes women alarmed at seeing males in women-only spaces? Is it actually transphobic for women to not want trans women in women-only rape crisis centers, domestic violence shelters, or prisons? - Should women never be allowed to exclude males from any women's spaces, groups, or events? Are people who disagree with what trans activists say really all "trans exclusionary radical feminists" or "TERFs," even when they aren't feminists or trans-exclusionary? ##What is peak trans? > Many of us called this “peak trans”—that moment when you realize “trans rights” are not really about supporting a marginalized population, but about undermining the rights of girls and women and bullying people into accepting transgender ideology. [–Thistle Peterson: How I Became the Most Hated Folk Singer in Madison](https://archive.is/o/XVLl1/https://uncommongroundmedia.com/thistle-pettersen-how-i-became-the-most-hated-folk-singer-in-madison/) Are you ready to reach peak trans? Or you just want to know what those "TERFs" you've heard about are saying so you can debunk them? Read on... and get ready to add your own story! ----- * [Peak Trans Reprise I](https://www.ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/121/peak-trans-reprise-tell-your-story-here) * [Peak Trans Reprise II](https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/5253/peak-trans-reprise-ii-tell-your-story-here) * [Peak Trans Reprise III](https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/13499/peak-trans-reprise-iii-tell-your-story-here) ----- NOTE: Please reserve this space for peak trans stories only! Brief messages of welcome are fine, but if something here inspires you to more discussion, please make a new post.

26 comments

[–] femmefem 2 points (+2|-0) Edited

Hi, I am a 23 year old bisexual woman and I'm new to the gender critical discussion (please be gentle to me), I'm definitely a different person from who I was around a month ago. There have been several mini peaks within the past few months that have led me to posting here. I have been a vocal advocate for trans rights my entire life, I even identified as NB for a few years. Most of my friends are TiFs. Here is how my journey here started.

I have always loved Contrapoint's video essays. When discussing rad fems, I always appreciated that they were not like most trans people and actually showed empathy to women and their concerns about TiMs. Although I discovered their content after they transitioned, their identity never seemed inauthentic to me. Through Contra, I discovered PhilosophyTube. When he came out, I was genuinely shocked. I did not see it coming and to be quite frank I really didn't buy it. It seemed contrived to me, like he was acting. I took a step back for a moment and unsubscribed from his channel.

Ironically, the next step for me was Contrapoint's video on JKR. When discussing the part of the essay where Contra talked about "young girls being persuaded into transition," I felt that, and I don't think that was the intent. When I was in high school, I was convinced I was non-binary, mostly because as a highly feminine (mentally ill) girl - I was subconsciously uncomfortable with my femininity being boxed and exploited by men. I don't necessarily regret this - I am actually in the process of changing my name to my "chosen" one. It is more androgynous and therefore has led me to get more job interviews. The video made me reflect on the friendships I had in high school. I knew about 20 people who were TiFs. Only 3 of them wound up getting on testosterone + a mastectomy. Everyone else reverted.

Then was an interaction with a TiF TRA that I know. They posted a TikTok about how womxn was bad and how no women actually wanted it. I responded and said that "well actually a lot of women would prefer a gender name that wasn't attached to men." They responded that "well the name has TRF origins so it shouldn't be used." And I didn't respond but it made me think, "Women's right to vote was created by TRFs. Should we just throw that out too?" This was the first time I noticed that TRA feelings were being pushed above Women's Rights.

Finally, what really woke me up was the reddit admin incident, it really made me question everything. I didn't really know about AG and I didn't think about how many TiMs are fetishists. I thought Yaniv was a one off incident. I didn't realize that despite being friends with a lot of trans people, I've never been friends with a TiM.

[–] purpleratata 2 points (+2|-0)

That Aimee Challenor incident probably peaked a lot of people that were on the verge of peaking and I really enjoy that because they brought that on themselves.

Please edit out calling radical women "TERFs". We don't legitimize that language on this site.

[–] femmefem 1 points (+1|-0)

Edited out. Sorry, I have read the word being used in the previous peak trans threads.

[–] purpleratata 5 points (+5|-0)

Sorry, not op but I'm confused. I keep seeing people calling themselves or using the word TERF on this site. Is that not allowed? Or only depending on the context? Because I might have used the word TERF here before without meaning it in a pejorative way (I consider myself a TERF)

[–] Jinera 5 points (+5|-0)

This will be long, I have an important essay to finish in six hours and I am currently in procrastination mode.

To begin, I am a twenty one year old lesbian and knew that from a very young age. The moment I realised "hey I like girls!" I was nine years old, and I labelled myself as lesbian when I was twelve. Luckily, I am Dutch. The language difference meant that it took me a longer time to start using social media, I didn't even have a phone until I was fourteen!

When I discovered instagram at fifteen I'd had three years to accept my sexuality. No one in my environment at the time, of my age, was gay or bisexual as far as I knew. I didn't have any role models. For a lot of classmates I came out to, I was their first gay girl they ever met. I think this made me stronger, I didn't care about the stereotypes - I didn't even know what they were! When I discovered instagram I stumbled upon LGBT accounts, that often had 100k followers. At this time I had just developed an eating disorder and was feeling horribly insecure. It was also on an LGBT account that I found my ex - a pakistani muslim bisexual girl living in the UK. She was a mod on multiple popular LGBT pages and identified for a short time as "bi-gender."

I remember thinking: "well if she is truly bigender I can't have a relationship with her, I am lesbian."(Yes, I truly believed if someone said they were a certain gender, they were instantly that gender. No questions asked.) And I actually told her that! To which she eventually confessed she wasn't actually bigender. The little minx had made it up because: "if I just say I'm bisexual I can't mod any pages. They don't want cis people." And admitted she did for a short while identify as trans, but later realised she only did it because she felt fat and insecure, and confused that with gender dysphoria.

This little confession planted a seed. From then on I became sceptic. I tried my best to be supportive, after all, I was the girlfriend of a popular mod, and couldn't possibly let anyone know I was any less activistic than her. My ex, really tried her best to always believe everyone, although I am 100% sure she pretended - she just didn't want to admit that to herself. Being on those accounts, allowed me to get to know about basically every made up gender out there, made me see how perfectly normal gay kids started identifying as queer nonbinary genderfluids within weeks of joining and they would keep switching up names, pronouns, genders.

One time I came across a post about how lesbians shouldn't have a genital preference. This was back in 2017 and not as much of a hot topic as currently. I remember thinking it was bizarre and decided to comment on the post. Not even in an angry way, I just thought the OP had to be a total imbecile to not realise what homosexuality meant, right?? Well, my comment got me attacked from all sides. And when I complained to my ex about it she didn't choose my side. She could accept the idea of a homosexual man saying no to someone with a vagina, but not to a lesbian saying no to a penis. Another seed was planted - and this memory would be one that stuck with me for a looong time.

After fours years we broke up and at the time my focus on the lgbt and activism community had faded. I had better things to do, like get my high school diploma. I hardly knew what TERF's were, aside from the general horrifying picture painted of them by the lgbt community. A couple of trans men I knew that had transitioned (partly) had committed suicide - another seed.

Until I joined reddit late 2019. Mostly for the roleplaying community and the community of people that have a certain physical illness. I had great fun at first, and still do in those communities, but inevitably started to check out the lgbt communities on reddit. Big mistake ladies, I made a big mistake. Everything felt off. The way 12 yo's were obsessing over their gender identity. "I don't like my breasts and I don't like wearing dresses - I am a boy, but my mom doesn't accept it!". And complete strangers, probably not much older, came rushing to comfort her. I didn't like my breasts either, not until I turned twenty - and honestly calling it breasts is a big word, I can't even wear cups that's how small they are lol - I used to never wear shirts where you could tell I had breasts. Feeling uncomfortable is normal! I saw old men posting pictures of themselves in sexual clothing and people hyping them up "you look sooo good girl!!" to a 40 yo man wearing a collar...

And then my sister started identifying as a boy. 14 yo mentally disabled, autistic, emotionally 1.5 - 3 years old sister started identifying as a 7 yo anime boy and the therapists went right along. Oh boy did that make me confused.

A few days before JK Rowling posted her beautiful essay I discovered the Gendercritical sub, and instantly fell in love. I sadly did not have much time to read it, before it got banned. I found myself agreeing with a lot of things, and read (and still read here) the peaking stories with a lot of joy. When JK Rowling posted her essay, that was the peaking moment for me. She had written a compassionate, heart-felt and beautiful essay. And people acted like she had personally caused people to kill themselves (and by now I knew, trans people killed themselves even after all surgeries and "passing"). Some of the things she mentioned, like the sudden increase in girls identifying as trans made me interested, especially due to my sister. I began reading about it, reading studies.

Then truelesbians and gendercritical got banned, and one way to make people angry is to censor them. I moved to saidit and eventually here. I read "irriversible damage" and my personal favourite: "the end of gender." That last book was what helped me completely agree with gender critical thoughts. The studies, the facts, where right there! How can people deny cold-hard evidence?

And then, one day, on instagram, I came across a post. I have been touched by a man when I was 5, I wasn't scared because he didn't "hurt" me, I just had to touch him, and he touched me. I remember telling my mom and she got mad at me, as if I was to blame. I am still not scared because of this, but it did break my trust in men: all men can hurt you, if you let your guard down. Beginning of 2020, I was sexually abused/groomed by an older woman. My first time having sex was with her and it was traumatic. I had no one to talk about it with, and couldn't find a therapist. I felt violated.

This post was about genital prefences. A transman, made one of those aesthetic looking posts about how lesbians have no excuses to not want to have sex with someone who has a penis. Especially those lesbians who use excuses about getting raped - they just need to get therapy to get over themselves and change this.

Now I had been raped by a woman, so it hadn't caused a fear of the male body. However, both of these past experience had made me fearful of ANYONE trying to cross boundaries, or anyone not caring about consent. The fact that this post had over a thousand likes, and so many comments agreeing with this sick person, made me feel beyond horrified. It peaked me even harder.

[–] purpleratata 2 points (+2|-0)

I've followed the story about your sister. It's absolutely heartbreaking how they're enabling the behaviour in a clearly mentally ill child. Not only she's gonna suffer but they're destroying your family members too, my heart breaks for you, your mum and your little brother and well as for a sister that needs proper help.

[–] LearningBravery 15 points (+15|-0) Edited

Hello everyone my name is [LearningBravery], and I’m a TERF! I’d been lurking on various twitter threads for weeks, reading terf posts and broadening my perspective. Then i got outed by my political club for liking some forbidden tweets and engaging with forbidden people. I was only doing it as bookmarks, but it was very nice to get ousted and labeled even before my position could crystallise in my own mind! Love that for me. I’m still out, exploring, but shame makes it harder. And to think i used to be a TRA...

[–] Gardevoir 6 points (+6|-0)

The nerve of them to put you on blast for daring to indulge in wrongthink.

[–] elleelle 21 points (+21|-0)

Hi, my name is ellie and I'm a TERF. I peaked this week after a long, slow burn that included many smaller peaks. This is super long, for that I apologize.

I'm not a dogmatic radical feminist. I'm not dogmatic period, I'm just not much of a joiner. The bread and butter philosophies behind radfem views regarding kink, sex work, and porn differ significantly from mine, though there's a lot of overlap. But I always felt that I was closer to being a radical rather than a liberal feminist, which, let's be honest, liberal feminism is pretty fucking milquetoast. Taylor Swift and Sarah Palin can fuck off with their skim milk feminism.

I absolutely believe in equal civil rights for all people, period. I think that bodily autonomy is sacred, and that's why I'm a 9 month absolutist on the subject of abortion, and why I wouldn't circumcise my son.

I'm a bisexual, progressive, agnostic socialist feminist. And I actually know real life trans people, and more than a few, at that.

I grew up in an abusive family. My father was diagnosed as bipolar and it's my belief that he has a concurrent Cluster B personality disorder. Besides the garden variety emotional abuse, my father beat the hell out of all of us. My mother enabled him and, despite their divorce, still does. What I used to call revisionist history or selective memory, through therapy as well as my job, I've come to understand as gaslighting and manipulation.

In my early 20s, I read "As Nature Made Him" by John Colapinto, a book I can't recommend enough. It told the story of the Reimer twins. It triggered in me an interest in gender studies and ethics. One of my main takeaways was that intersex people need to be left alone, surgically, until adulthood or unless there is a medical necessity. (Funny aside: I watched an old SVU this week, and spotted right away that it was a fictionalized account of the Reimer twins. The adolescent boy who played the twins was a strikingly beautiful child- long lashed eyes, full lips, pointed chin. As the "girl" twin, he looked like a boy in a wig and dress, and this is before puberty had done all of its work. Always clockable. Always.)

I'm a nurse. I have a 9-5 office job, but I also keep a travel gig on the side. The place where I typically work for my travel gig is a locked inpatient behavioral health unit, or "the psych ward" as everyone likes to call them. I tend to live in my own head a lot, and becoming a nurse was very good for me in that sense, especially my years as a floor nurse. The work of nursing, which is hard on an intellectual, a physical, and an emotional level, as well as being a constant series of problem-solving challenges, grounded me in the reality of the body, and the reality of my body, in a way that nothing else ever has. Becoming a nurse made me a materialist; our brains are a part of our body. Brain cancer, Alzheimer's, Huntington's- these diseases are horrifying not because you die from them - we all die- but because they steal from you, they change who you are because of the physical changes they wreak on your brain.

I'm not religious. I don't believe in anything that's been so very oppressive to women. I remember lying in the bathtub during puberty, and cursing my menstruating body. Periods, pregnancy and childbirth, being smaller and weaker, these were the reasons women were so constrained by society. I remember putting these things together in my head at 11 or 12, and determining there was no innate difference in the intelligence or competence or nature of woman when compared to men- what were different were her opportunities, and those were constrained by society because of her body. So I don't believe in a woman's soul or a man's soul, I never have since I worked that out as a kid. A woman's brain is a woman's because it's in her body, that's the whole truth, the rest is socialization.

I'm old- in my early 40s. I grew up in the rural Midwest. When I was a teenager in the 90s, my friends who were boys wore dresses, grew their hair long, and painted their nails. My friends who were girls shaved their heads, tattooed their arms (this was a huge deal back then, and at least where I grew up, was seen as very masculine) and wore "boy" clothes, sometimes exclusively. We were absolutely playing with gender roles, and it was fun, and often sexy. No one ever used the word trans or even the word "tranny" amongst the people I hung out with. Several of the boys did turn out to be gay, but they were the more gender conforming of our group, ironically. Most of the girls at least flirted with the idea of having sex with women, and several of us actually did it. All of us played with body modification to some degree. A few years ago, when the zoomers were becoming teens, I thought to myself, "My peers were all about making the boundaries around gender flexible, and these kids are all about blowing them up. Cool." That turned out to be wrong, they're enforcing them just as strictly, just under a changed set of boundaries.

When Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn, I remember reading a comment on Jezebel asking, with kind phrasing and in a way that, to me, sounded legitimately curious, "If Caitlyn Jenner can be transgender, why can't Rachel Dolezal be transracial?" The responses were venomous, which surprised me at the time, but even more surprising was how absolutely no one engaged with the question. "That's completely different!" was the common and indignant reply. No one offered why. At the time, I thought maybe I needed to read and learn more. I'm generally pretty openminded and I love to learn. Then I read about the Hypatia controversy and realized that being openminded to interesting questions wasn't welcomed by our new gender policing overlords.

I'm a visual artist and a people watcher. I can spot a wig no matter how good. I have extremely large hands and feet for a woman my size. My best female friend has a deep husky voice. I can always spot trans people in real life. Always. It's not just about hands and voice, or height or Adam's apple. It's everything. Their attempts to control how they are perceived are simply unsuccessful the vast majority of the time. I see men in skirts and women with shaved heads- both of these things are great! I just wish they didn't believe that a change of dress or styling changes what they are.

I discovered Contrapoints when Natalie was still Nic, and had a blistering crush on him. In spite of being bisexual, I was/am not attracted to Natalie at all, and I felt bad about this. I asked myself several times if I was transphobic, and what I came back with was that I just am not attracted to over the top, performative displays of femininity. I'm into a more natural vibe. I absolutely love long hair on men, and I don't mind a bit of makeup on men or women, but I really am not into the full beat of makeup, nails and false eyelashes and heels look AT ALL. And this was when I started wondering about slipping on a female identity as a costume. As RuPaul said, "We're born naked, and the rest is drag." Being a woman is not about clothes and beauty products. No one proves this better than drag queens.

At psych, I started to see more and more trans patients. This is a conundrum: there are no private rooms, so where do we put them? The obvious solution became designating a room for transmasculine females and one for transfeminine males. But they always want to go into the room of their chosen gender, and this is a problem for the other patients, all of whom need and deserve to feel safe, and who do not need to have their own sense of reality called into question.

While I am not interested in the "is transgenderism a mental illness?" question, I cannot help but notice that many trans people have mental illnesses. Mentally ill people of every stripe often self harm, and they often do it with medicine. This made me question how often this was happening under the guise of affirming therapy, particularly as one of the bits of TRA propaganda is "smash medical gatekeeping". As a medical professional, let me tell you: we fucking DESPERATELY need medical gate keeping, not just for trans people- for fucking EVERYBODY.

I also started to wonder, philosophically, about the very particular viewpoint on display on the part of TRAs. That is, treating gender roles with such reverence that a sign of any gender non-conformity is an indication that you ought to invest in mass body modification in an attempt to change how the world sees you.

Then my daughter started to get deeper and deeper into the trans cult. I let this ride for about a year and a half, and finally I reached out to some acquaintances to get my head wrapped around this. One is a transwoman who, unfortunately, is simply too mentally ill to have a conversation about, well, anything. The other is a mother of another trans identifying female child of similar age to my kid. We'll call this mom H. We compared notes, and H said, "We are living the same life." We had the same experiences with gaslighting and manipulation, and to see those tactics coming from our children rather than abusive parents or partners was disorienting and deeply saddening. My father used to threaten suicide regularly and I am simply D O N E with that type of emotional extortion. Both my daughter and H's daughter have retconned their entire personalities to fit a narrative. Both kids have mostly male friends and act like stereotypical flirtatious girls with their friends, often changing into revealing clothing. It's a behavior that's so sexually broken that I'm sad for them. Both kids attend school districts in a remote, rural area of the Midwest, and both kids' friend groups consist of mostly trans children. I cannot buy that 20% of the children in my daughter's grade are transgender. To say that this is not a trend... like, I am supposed to believe the pop culture narrative around this, or my lying eyes? This all got notably worse during the pandemic, because everyone was online more.

Then, last week, I went to the college town 20 minutes away and saw six TIFs, all late teens-early 20s. Say what you want about these privileged white college girls, they're on trend. I think the style- shaved heads, wild colored hair, combat boots- is just 1990s remixed, but the body mods have taken on epic proportions.

My daughter, thank god, does not want testosterone. H's daughter wanted it for awhile but has outgrown that wish, and was denied T by peds endo whose name I want to get so I can send him flowers and a card.

My daughter does, however, want a b/l mastectomy. The anguish I feel over this is impossible to describe. I have taken care of mastectomy patients and it is a horrifying, grotesque, brutal surgery. People get mastectomies because the alternative is death. The thought of my baby with drains and surgical wounds in her healthy chest is something I can't contemplate without weeping. I will not pay for any of this, I will not care for her in recovery if she does it. It would destroy me. I will not engage in euphemistic speech and call it "top surgery". Medical procedures have medical descriptions. Things have names for a reason. I won't call edema "squishiness", either.

I understand why kids are obsessed with identity- they control almost nothing, and this is something that they can control. It's a normal part of growing up. I remember the body horror that accompanied puberty, I understand that. I remember the relief I felt when my traumas and indignities were given a name. I think the adoption of "trans" by angsty teens feeds into all these things. But the promise that transition will cure these ills is one that I am deeply, profoundly skeptical of.

The only information I found for parents of trans children was hearts and flowers affirming bullshit. I read JK Rowling's essay, after hearing my daughter rant about JKR's transphobia for over a year, and I agreed with every word of it. Eventually that lead me here. Radfems are rad. I'm so happy to have found you all. I need the support.

[–] kalkazar13 7 points (+7|-0)

While I am not interested in the "is transgenderism a mental illness?" question, I cannot help but notice that many trans people have mental illnesses.

I noticed this too, and it's what brought me down the path to questioning this entire movement. I think it's at least a side effect of mental illness, be it from a social contagion or some inborn disorder like autism or schizophrenia.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter.

[–] TooManyLegs 9 points (+9|-0)

I sometimes make myself crazy with the hypothetical "what would I do if I had a kid and they came out as trans?" question. I am so sorry that you're living it. I really, really hope that by the time your daughter is eligible for a mastectomy this phase has passed, and I hope that there are other parents on here that can help guide you through the minefield that this subject has become. I remember when tattoos were the insane, permanent body modification that parents were terrified of their kids getting, and when that was going on, parents were allowed to disapprove and refuse to let their underage children get one. Now telling your kid that they can't make permanent, serious changes to their body is considered abusive and comes with considerable social backlash. How are you supposed to navigate that?

Welcome, and thank you for the beautifully written introduction. Painful subjects aside, I really enjoyed reading your perspective as a medical professional/90s punk/mom. It's great to have you here.

[–] TooManyLegs 19 points (+19|-0)

Hi everyone, I just made my first account in the GC-sphere, and I just want to say that I'm a TERF! I am a Trans-Exculsionary Radical Feminist. My name is [TooManyLegs] and I do not believe in gender ideology.

I work in an industry that would absolutely blacklist me if they ever found out. The career that I've worked so hard to build would dissolve overnight, and I would be shunned. I've called myself a TERF in my head for a long time now, but I've never said it out loud, or written it down, or even whispered it to myself alone in a dark room. It feels so good to write it out now, in total anonymity, amongst like-minded individuals. I'm a TERF!

As for my peaking, it was kind of a slow burn, but two specific incidents stood out and dear god do I want to get them off my chest. The first was learning that a horrible ex-boyfriend of mine was suddenly identifying as a woman and on hrt. My immediate reaction was "good for her!" of course, since I was such a progressive person and a good ally. In conversation with the friend who had told me, I was happy for "her" and hoped that becoming a woman identifying as the woman he had always been would be the healing that he desperately needed as a sick person. It wasn't until I was alone later that I realized how deeply upset I was by it. So many of the abusive aspects of our relationship had centered around misogyny: my emotions were mocked because I was a woman, anything that I was interested in was "shallow", everything we did was what he wanted when he wanted it because he was the man, sex was never optional because it "was my job", he wouldn't interact with me when I was on my period (because periods are gross), he viciously mocked my body, and his constant drama and anger was the sort that only exists in a deeply sexist man. So many of the issues that I had with him were tied specifically to his role as a man...and suddenly I couldn't talk about it? Suddenly I felt the need to censor myself, since using the wrong pronouns or making any sort of reference to him being masculine was worse than anything he had done to me.

I could not, and do not, accept this person as a woman. I knew him as a man who had nothing but distain for women, who only saw them as sex objects, and once he hits 30 he's suddenly he's a ~transgirl~ with an anime profile picture who posts half-naked pics on the internet? I saw a post he made about how hard it is to be a woman, and fuck you dude. Men like you are the ones who are making it hard to be a woman. You'll never know.

That was the first time that I felt like maybe I wasn't as onboard the gender train as I had always thought. I felt like I was going crazy that everyone just mentally switched this person's identity, and his fucked up past was instantly wiped. That wouldn't have happened if he had just changed his name, or religion, or lifestyle, or moved away. What made gender this different, untouchable concept that trumped everything else?

Incident #2 was simpler: I met a TiM in person for the first time. I still considered myself an ally, I had plenty of TiF friends, and I was vocal about trans rights. I was visiting some friends out of state, and their circle of women/TiFs included this TiM. I was obviously totally cool hanging with her, she was just another woman to me, until I actually met her. When she wasn't around, we would have normal conversations about our futures, ideas, politics, personal lives, make stupid jokes, etc. When she was around, she would always immediately interject and start talking about sex. Now, I like raunchy sex talk as much as the next gal, but only with my close friends, and not all the time. Having this strange man in a dress shrieking about sex and using try-hard valley girl slang in a high pitched voice was unbelievably insulting. It was obvious that this TiM's view of women was entirely as brainless sex-dolls, and not as human beings with their own lives and opinions. I hadn't even heard of autogynephilia at the time, but I remember being shocked by how obviously is was a fetish for him.

Not to mention that he had inserted himself into a group of wlws, and the thought of any of them feeling pressured to be intimate with him made me see red.

That made me start paying attention to TiMs, and realizing how many of them were these disgusting, predatory men. I had always thought of transwomen as being attracted to men, doing everything they could to pass, and living their lives post-transition as women, without any fuss. This massive shift towards "not having to pass", "transbians", and forcing strangers to publicly take part in their fetish peaked me hard. Finding GenderCritical on reddit helped me understand that I wasn't alone in this feeling, and the ensuing ban made me realize how deep this fucked-up ideology had rooted itself in the mainstream.

I have less of a problem with TiFs, but the idea that female is a feeling that can be taken away by not being feminine enough is bullshit. I was a tomboy growing up, and I know that if I was a kid/teen in 2021 that someone would have approached me by now, suggesting that maybe I was genderqueer, or a man. And maybe I would have bought into it, when I was young and insecure and just wanted to feel special. It feels like we've taken a massive step backwards by implying that not being feminine means that you aren't a woman at all, that "woman" is just a narrow list of shallow personality traits. Fuck you, I'm a woman no matter what, and asking my pronouns when I cut my hair or dress "like a man" just makes me angry.

Basically, I think that modern gender ideology is just reinforcing harmful stereotypes for both sides, and encouraging vulnerable people to mutilate their bodies.

This turned long and ranty, but it felt great to get it out. Thanks for this website, and thanks for the space to fume without being told how wrong I am. I can tell that I'm going to like it here.

[–] teateatea 6 points (+6|-0)

I hadn't even heard of autogynephilia at the time, but I remember being shocked by how obviously is was a fetish for him.

SAME. HERE.

I learned this word on this very website. But that is exactly how I described it. "These men seem to fetishize women so much...that they 'turn themselves into a lesbian' to play it out." Unsettling. I'm so glad to know there's an actual word to describe it.

Your peak story is soooo similar to mine. How crazy it is that once you meet some TIMs in person it's like...holy shit this is all obvious as hell. I was much more supportive of trans rights before I started meeting TIMs lmao.

[–] elleelle 9 points (+9|-0)

Basically, I think that modern gender ideology is just reinforcing harmful stereotypes for both sides, and encouraging vulnerable people to mutilate their bodies.

Holy shit, you said in one sentence what's been brewing in my head for years. Thank you

[–] herazade 9 points (+9|-0) Edited

Ooof, rough. Welcome. I know I didn't even known what a TERF was until 3 years ago a TIM friend (now former) started facebooking all giddily this "punch a terf" stuff. I was like wait a minute... They really give the game away with their very male way of talking and living don't they.

ps- Good luck in keeping your job. May you be able to open about yourself one day.

[–] TooManyLegs 5 points (+5|-0)

Thanks for the welcome, it already feels great to be here.

That's honestly heartbreaking, It's wild that he was giddily talking about essentially wanting to punch his friend, even if he didn't realize it. That's just...such a male way of conducting yourself. I'm glad to hear that you aren't friends anymore, but ouch.

[–] [Deleted] 15 points (+15|-0)

I have been an ally to trans people for my entire adult life (I’m 34). I have used “TERF” towards radfems on many occasions because I was made to believe that radfems were hateful.

Then, last summer, a woman I was interested in randomly asked me whether I would date a TIM. In my naïveté, I answered honestly and said I don’t think I’d be interested in doing so as I do not like dick. She flipped out and called me transphobic and told other community members that I was transphobic.

I felt horrible and went on a quest of sorts to eradicate my “transphobia.” I researched and asked questions and was told over and over again that in order to be not transphobic, I needed to work out why I had “genital preference” for pussy. I explained time and again that it wasn’t only about pussy because I also had no interest in TIFs or post op TIMs. But rather it was the entire “package” of womanhood that I, a lesbian, am attracted to.

None of this was acceptable to anyone I spoke with. Not even other lesbians. This seemed bizarre to me. I couldn’t fully grasp why I wasn’t allowed to be a lesbian who only liked cis women with vaginas. I started being labeled a TERF myself. This seemed so unfair as I had been an ally to trans people. I had given money to their GoFundMes, their cashapps, etc. I had protested violence against them (and still would as I do not believe anyone should be harmed for being who they are/feel they are). I had been good friends with many.

I started to fully resent the many narratives around trans rights that I had so readily accepted before. I started realizing how overrun dating apps are with TIMs and TIFs demanding access to cis lesbians. From hoards of cross dressing men identifying as lesbians on Tinder to daily rants on Lex by TIMs calling us lesbians gatekeepers and not inclusive because we don’t want to have sex with a giant bearded man and his “girldick.” This has sent me over the edge.

I am exhausted and fed up. So here I am...

[–] kalkazar13 8 points (+8|-0)

I can't believe the gay rights movement can't see the trans rights movement for what it is, after appalling behavior like this. What kind of progressive movement tries to guilt-trip lesbians into sucking cock?!

[–] goatsauce 10 points (+10|-0)

Welcome! I'm in somewhat of the same boat. I TERF'd out before the term became popular, but my brain definitely broke after attending a few "queer women's" events and realizing I was surrounded by mostly men, a few lesbians, and a lot of women who weren't pinging my gaydar but insisted they were pansexual. My lesbian friends who have been in long term relationships are still fully buying into the trans thing, and I think it's 100% because they haven't been on the dating scene in the last decade and don't have the same traumatic experience I do :(

[–] [Deleted] 4 points (+4|-0)

This! Exactly! Where have all the actual lesbians gone?! Men and pansexuals in het presenting relationships are all there is. On every app. At every event. It’s exhausting. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too. Thank you for the welcome <3

[–] herazade 8 points (+8|-0)

Congrats on leaving the cult. Sorry you lost your community and no doubt many/most friends as they all turned on you for being the heretic. Many here share your story.

And welcome! This space is awesome, best feminist site on the internet.

[–] Cats4Science 20 points (+20|-0)

For reference - I work in a public policy institute where we all care deeply about social justice (but I will say in the past two years especially, some of my colleagues have gone more to the extreme). I say this to say that equality and justice are very important to me and I sought this career because of it. The first thing I noticed was that the university I work under changed all the signs to our single stall unisex bathrooms so that they specifically said “gender neutral”. It made me roll my eyes because it was just performative. And my colleagues were so excited - as a policy wonk and researcher, this was such a disconnect because there was no change just the sign was replaced. It’s just an easy way for institutions to look like they are addressing underserved needs without actually doing anything.

Then, JK Rowling tweeted about standing with Maya Forester and the reaction was appalling and also strangely reminiscent of the abuse thrown at women during gamer gate, except now the threats included “lady” dicks. At this same time, thr makeup subreddit I subbed to was getting an uptick in TW, which I didn’t mind. What I did mind was that these posts got thousands of upvotes regardless of whether or not the makeup was actually good. Sometimes the makeup was just awful and not even trying - also, they would be “closeted” TW which always looked to me like cross dressing. Long story short - after seeing so many of these not-even-trying-to-pass posts, it finally hit me: this was a fetish and these dudes were getting off on it and the women had no idea. Hell, they were all celebrating them and shouting down/banned anybody who stated the obvious.

Anyway, that is what lead me to find r/GenderCritical. It took me until today - over a year later - to get to the point that I finally felt confident enough to stop just lurking and engage.

[–] bibliophile 17 points (+17|-0)

Hi, I'm a new member here, but I've been lurking /r/gendercritical, /r/lgbdropthet, the saidit communities, and now Ovarit for ... maybe a year now. Before, I always supported trans people and didn't have to think much about what that meant. I'm in college, and I started meeting trans friends who all just acted like normal people. Trans women friends actually didn't act very male, although trans man friends definitely acted according to female socialization.

I peaked through /r/gendercritical. I followed a lot of LGBT subreddits to share memes and relate to a close family member who is bi. When people, anywhere on Reddit, mentioned a terrible subreddit (whether it was something super racist or misogynistic, etc), I would always check it out, sort by top of all time, probably downvote a few posts. Of course, I saw people talking about how terrible gc was, and eventually I checked it out and sorted by top of all time and was like ... these sound like regular female concerns to me? The radfem idea of a woman is also just so liberating. I have a female body and that is all I need to be a woman; I can do anything and still be a woman. And then I followed more "anti-trans" subs just to get both sides of the story. I really enjoyed lgbdropthet as well.

So I first discovered /r/gc around this time last year or a bit before and was like "wtf why is this place so demonized?" (especially since tumblrinaction says the same stuff with an extra dose of misogyny and wasn't vilified as much), and then a friend came out and announced it with something like "you ever just wake up and realize you're a girl." I thought, no, you have never acted like anything but a man! That made me think as well, and I would say that reading GC and seeing that person come out peaked me. Many months later, I had a lot of apprehension about meeting this person again to see how they would act. Turns out they constantly talk about being trans and act like "one of the girls" WITHOUT losing their very male, conversation-dominating and expecting-people-to-laugh-at-their-jokes behavior. Like I said, all the trans friends I met earlier didn't ever talk about being trans and were just like "hey pls use these pronouns and treat me like a person, thanks." So if I had not peaked already, this probably would have peaked me. Nothing about this person is like me or my female friends. There is no magical "woman essence"--if there were, I would have seen it in my friend after they started transitioning.

I'll keep it short and sweet since I've scattered parts of my peaking throughout this site, but one started with noticing my first "boyfriend" (super abusive, sexual and porn-starved online 14-yr-old) from when I was 12 transitioned and contacted me about it my second year of college. He was going on about 'titty skittles' and being cute in skirts, the general shit.That tipped me off so strongly.

The second massive peak was when I was living day-to-day with immense feelings of hating myself for loving who I loved, and hating my body as well. Instead of having my past community ask me to find help, like actual therapy, they pushed me into accepting my male pronouns and the hate of my body (was trans online and around some people I trusted IRL). I stand and look back, thinking "Wow, they actually were really shitty friends to allow me to do things that harmed me like that", and I completely shifted to GC.

I understand they wanted me to be happy, but at what cost...? I needed the reality pill more than people pushing me into trans ideology and lies, lol.