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Need Advice or SupportTIM at primary school?
My daughter's primary school have a TIM, I overheard a teacher "correct" himself yesterday to this "girl" (a boy in an extremely short skirt, length definitely not allowed for actual girls). I'm so annoyed. It's such a tiny school, years are actually combined so I wasn't expecting it. Now I'm sure that gender programming will be included in the PSHE course and I'm wondering if there's any way I can just opt out of it, maybe a religion we can become or something?
My daughter is already confused. I didn't understand why until I connected the dots today but a few days ago she was really upset and asked me when she would turn into a boy... I work in a sector where cancellation would end my career and as a lone parent I can't risk that. I also can't risk my daughter being completely indoctrinated into the self-hating man-serving girlhood these arseholes are trying to inflict on her.
I genuinely am at a loss for what to do.
(Also, as an aside, this kid couldn't have been older than 7... so young to have the delusion entertained!)
If it were my daughter, I would try to explain to her the difference between real and pretend.
Stress the fact that the boy in her class is still a boy, but he's pretending to be a girl, just like she might pretend to be a cat sometimes. I would explain how she can't be a boy and why not. Make sure she understands not only what a girl is, but that girls and boys can look and act differently if they want.
She'll probably wonder why everyone is forced to play along with him, and I would just say that some kids have things wrong in their brains that make them confused and the teachers just want to make him feel better. Kind of like when we might tell a white lie to someone.
I would say that they might be trying to help, but lying isn't always kind, and in this case it's not. I would always refer to the child in question as "he" around her.
The trouble is, she hasn't directly mentioned this kid yet. I don't want to start the conversation about it for fear of making it interesting to her.
What country are you in?
I’m in England and have experience of formal complaints against primary (that didn’t work) and fixing both my girls secondary schools approach to this (very successful). So I can point you in the direction of laws/regulations and the organisations that can help.
My first thread on this https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/217843/would-just-like-to-say
Second https://ovarit.com/o/GenderCritical/257995/would-just-like-to-say-again
I could probably have written another success one as I was ranting here the other day one of the policies came up gender garble and I was livid I needed to point it out for the head. Yet he’s bent over backwards to agree with (very sharply made) points and fixed everyone. (I think maybe he likes my inevitable complaint on record as evidence to why he’s fixing this to point to works with parents as his excuse for why he’s taking a cautious gc stance).
England also. Thanks for the thread! I'd be a bit concerned about an overzealous teacher getting in touch with my workplace to mention anything to the school, though
The first thing is to reassure your daughter that, no, she is not going to turn into a boy. She was born a girl, and she will grow from a little girl into a big girl, and then into a woman.
Then you could say that there are some boys who are very unhappy being boys and some girls who are very unhappy being girls (reasons, if she asks, they think their family will love them more if they were different, they feel people are mean to them because they're a boy/girl, or they feel that they don't know how to act like a real boy or girl), Right now, some parents and teachers think they can make the these boys feel better by asking everyone to treat them as girls, and these girls feel better by treating them as boys. Just about all these children will grow out of these feelings, but it may take them a while.
If need be, you can have further talks about politeness and boundaries, about not having to be a friend to someone you don't want to be, and the problem of "teachers pets" who are allowed to get off with bad behaviour and with hurting other people--which is a problem that has existed long before trans came along.
If you are in the UK I would not stand for it, its a breach of safe guarding I would demand a meeting and complain I would also demand to know what they are teaching exactly since it is distressing and confusing my child.you have a legal right to see what they are teaching.
I'd also be looking for another school.
have you looked at the Sex Matters website, they have info about schools doing this crap it may help you formulate something.
If you are in the UK the EHRC has just updated it guidance for schools. Safeguarding comes first, sex is a protected characteristic, and schools do not have to affirm a pupils gender.
https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/our-work/news/technical-guidance-schools-updated
Your daughter is really too young for that, but I suppose they leave you no choice: Tell her how that "turning into a girl/boy" really works.
In all gruesome details, including the side effect of puberty blockers, slicing of sex organs, and resulting numbness and medical complications.
"Yeah, it is really hard. Poor trans kids. Be glad you are not trans."
No one can hate on her for pitying them, but it will, hopefully, discourage her from transing herself. You can also use this to explain to her why she must pretend that this boy is really a girl. (He has a horrible sickness. She might already know that children who have cancer get to meet their favourite football stars and go to Disneyland and all ... and that they are not to be envied.)
Other than that, no idea. Get old second wave feminist books and let them lie around where she can find them? That gives you plausible deniability (she'll say she read it in a book, and you can claim to have no idea where she found such a book), and gives her better self esteem.
I do recall reading mildly feminist sex ed books for teens when I was around ten. Hopefully there's something appropriate to be found at used book sales and similar.
You would probably have to put her in a religious school to really keep her away from this shit, but I think if you make it clear to her how harmful to her body transing would be, you might be abled to talk her down to identifying as enby and doing nothing but dye her hair blue.
The religions that will protect you are largely conservative (a conservative Jewish temple, Catholicism, the Muslim faith). If it possible for you and your family, honestly, this is what I would do.
Of course, you need to weigh out your family situation, your values, and what would best support (and protect) your child.
Conservative Jews are incredibly liberal. You want Modern Orthodox at the very least.
Catholicism
Not so sure. It failed Canadians. They swallowed the koolaid.
I would just tell her that he's confused but that everyone is going along to make him feel better.
And I would tell her how horrible it is to be a trans adult and that awful surgeries are done to their genitals if they want to continue to pretend. You don't have to go into details, but if necessary, I would use fear tactics to keep my child safe. I would do almost anything to keep my child safe.
Maybe there is another school nearby? Leaving for better with no explanation is the easier way to protect your daughter without getting cancelled
We aren't in the catchment area for any other schools, unfortunately, and we live month to month at the moment so can't afford to move. If I could, I'd do it in a heartbeat
So sorry. It's inescapable, isn't it?
I mean, you could just tell her the truth, something like "he's a boy who's got a medical condition and some adults think this will help him. So, they think it will help him to pretend he's a girl. I don't think it will help him, and I don't agree with it, but at school, they might ask you to pretend as well..." and go from there. (And then if it comes up at school, you can say that yup, you told her it was like "pretend", because she found it distressing, and she's a young child, thank you very much.).
I have no clue whether that's feasible.
That's so rough.
As soon as she mentions him, I will- but I don't want to raise it until she specifies, otherwise I'll give her the idea that it's interesting.
I told her nobody can change sex because we are all born with a special set of rules in our cells that decide how we look, and even if we dyed her hair it would always still grow back black, because you can't change the rules in your cells.