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DiscussionWhat did men teach you about men that you wish you didn't know?
I mean, I guess I'm glad I know all these things, but the education was so harmful, so discouraging, so scary. I was making a list today, and these are the things men who were in my life taught me about men that I wish I didn't know, or rather, that I wish were not true. Add you own in the comments!
I learned that love and sex have almost no connection for men. For many men, "I love you" merely means "I want to have sex with your body." And then most men experience a cognitive affective shift after sex that means they are less interested in you after they've marked you by having sex with your body.
I learned that men are capable of forcing you into sex. Men are also capable of using violence against you. And they can do these things while claiming to "love" you. In fact, the violence of dominance sexually arouses them.
I learned that men's minds and hearts are always laser-focused on other men. Status among male peers is what men crave most of all. To gain that status (or not to lose what status they have), men are fully prepared to throw women under the bus, even women they "love."
I learned that you will always be a woman to a man, and you can never be a friend or an equal. I learned they will pay far less attention to what you say than what any man--literally some bum off the street--says.
I learned that if you try to emulate men or stand up for men, that does not bring you men's respect. Handmaidens are always just that, a member of the servant class.
I learned that expecting reciprocity from a man is like expecting blood from a turnip. Reciprocity is reserved for other men.
I learned that men are fully invested in the double standard, and believe the legal system exists to provide impunity for any crimes men commit against women.
My two cents:
Re: your point about male sexuality - spot on. In this light it's even more insane that it's women's sexuality that is so highly controlled. We don't have the same kind of proclivities as men and are much, much less likely to cause anyone harm sexually (and otherwise). Men on the other hand? Yeah...